There is so much that I have but don't do anything with.
This hit me with true force today as I looked at my life during one of those rare and sobering moments. It not not frequently that we stare at our own lives with eyes wide open, fully able and ready to soak it all in, both the unattractive and the welcome.
I am sure that were I consistenly able to reflect in this manner however, I might not be a fully stable person because I'm sure it may just be too much for my human mind to be able to reflect in this way all the time.
I do reflect often in my ever continuing desire to change and be shaped into more than I currently am, into a bolder and more graceful woman. There are many things I aspire to be, but I know I can not will myself into being them all. I know that through grace the process of change will begin to overwhelm me and change me from the outside in like a spring that has sprung from the dusty bottoms of my heart, out.
I believe that change is possible and I believe that I am yet to be the best of what I can be.
I believe this, but in my reflection I realised how much I have chosen to leave by the side of the road on my journey, how much I have laid down unnecessarily.There is so much I have that I do nothing with.
I can write. I have loved writing and at a certain time I would write long stories, poems about every desire of my heart and every dream worth writing about.
No, I don't do that anymore, although when I do I feel like there is such beauty flowing out from my heart.
Anybody else who reads it may not feel a thing, but I, when I write I feel it. I know that I am making something that comes from the heart.
There is so much that I am able to do, yet I feel that I am wasting it all. To me it feels just the same as wasting other precious restorces. I have turned on a tap and left it running, watching the ater flow down the drain. I have prepared a plate of food and watched it go cold before throwing it in the bin.
This is how it feels.
Yet, I believe that all things change.
Lord, change me from the inside out.
How tired I am of feeling that I am wasting so many of the gifts you placed inside my heart. Don't let me spend this life unlived, burying it like a talent under the ground. I want to use it all.
When I pass away and meet you in heaven, I want to proudly show You my well-worn gifts. Help me now.
From this life,
Meiche.
Who is Nothing to Fear?
- Meiche
- I love... autumn and everything that goes with it (the chill, big jackets, crunchy leaves, the colours...); the smell of frangipanis; fresh bread; reading books on rainy days; well composed photographs that one shot capture a wordless sentiment; my passion of language and learning new ones; travelling to non-tourist destinations to experience various cultures and to make that human connection; becoming more aquainted with the heart of God through the understanding and practice of wisdom and truth... and consequently allowing that to change how I see both myself and others. I love this strange journey of life.
1 comment:
"Lord, change me from the inside out."
That is the cry of my heart too, Meiche. Thank you for writing such a wonderful, transparent post. I have found that though I constantly desire to change and grow, that the Lord sees my striving, my desire to go deeper with Him, and He blesses that. My prayer is that He will bless you too as you continue in your growth. Love you!
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